“You are the child of my child, and your life is a joy to me. I am grateful to have you in my life. As I watch through the generations, I am reminded that the bonds we form are as everlasting as the spirit.” – Author Unknown
My little guy is turning 3 and I can’t believe how fast time has flown. It just seems like yesterday that he was this tiny little boy in my arms. I didn’t get to see him every day, but he was always on my mind and in my heart. I always tried to throw a prayer or two for him also. I didn’t think I could love something more than my own children, but then I became a grandma, and I understood clearly what spoiling meant. It is very hard to simply tell him no.
We blew past his 1st birthday, his 2nd birthday went racing by, and here we are, celebrating his 3rd! Building memories that I hope he will hold dear in his heart. I want to be the grandma that is told in stories to come. “Back in the day with my grandma, we did this…” that’s the grandma I want to be.
Usually as we are growing up, were mother’s and we wish for a magic potion that makes us young again. I still wish I could make this potion, not for myself, but for the one who holds my heart.
Aiden William – you have been a blessing to me! You have opened my eyes and helped me grow to be the better person than I was yesterday. I am sorry that you were not feeling well on Monday when I came to see you. I know Tuesday we had to take you to the doctors and Wednesday we missed the zoo! But I can’t wait to build a lifetime of memories with you.
I simply do not know, where the time has gone. I haven’t been on in a month, I guess I kind of hit a road block of sorts, with so many things that seem to have taken me away from all the good things in life. My book reading has hit rock bottom, my writing is simply put…not happening, and I haven’t blogged in a what feels like forever. Depression was starting to kick in. I knew I had to do something, jump back in the saddle, turn on some tunes and get my type on. There are so many things I would like to say but I don’t think we have all day to read about my boring life. Damn you winter, I have become a hermit. No I don’t like the cold, okay I am not sure where to begin. I have passed my birthday, I am now 42. My mind tries to tell me I am in my 20’s but as soon as I get up and start moving, my bones tell me a totally different story. So instead of running up the stairs like I once used too, say like in 10 seconds, cleaning house in just under a few hours, it now takes me all damn day because it seems that everyone forgot how to pick up after themselves. And they tried to tell me it was my old age! Old age my ass! Don’t ever believe your family. Ha ha, had me fooled huh? I might be quicker at these chores but with a house full of boys (inserting boyfriend), I am grabbing socks and shirts from every direction, towels and endless amounts of goodness sakes, how many towels does one person need? It’s never ending around here. As you can tell, my dog is the boss!
My youngest son, comes home from school and tells me that he crashed into another kid at school during an after school activity. Needless to say, after 1 root canal on his front tooth and a bill later, we are headed home. No saving that tooth. Because he damaged the roots, it was either a root canal or a fake tooth. Come on…at least it wasn’t a broken arm again….seriously!
My 17 year old son had to have surgery on his foot for a plantar wart that just wouldn’t go the hell away. It became the size of a quarter and was told it was going to be a simple procedure. Yes, that was simple…but afterwards I thought I was going to lose my mind. After a week, I am still getting “But mom, it still hurts” from my son. It also looks nasty. Simple procedure my ass! I did capture a hilarious video of him coming off the anesthesia. He thought he was married to Selena Gomez and was a race car driver. “Where’s my wife?” and “Where’s my pants?” and “Did I win the race?” followed with a “I was racing a Bugatti, did I win the race?” and the famous, “I can’t feel my toes.” I told him, sleep it off son, sleeeeep it off!! Ha ha, sorry to have to record these video’s so we can laugh at your expense, but who’s footing the bill here? I need as many hits on YouTube with your video to pay the bill.
My birthday wasn’t the best. My body decided to fail me. I ended up with a bug, that literally had me nauseated every time I moved. My daughter came by with the kids, so rolled on the floor with the kids. I spent the rest of the day in bed. My oldest son brought me home some flowers after school, then my younger kids went with grandpa and they brought me home some more colorful flowers. My boyfriend brought me home some beautiful flowers with a card that said “I will love you till every flower dies”…yep, you got it! First I said, I best find that fake flower, then I found the fake one! After finally feeling better that evening, I was finally able to swallow my cake. Happy Birthday to me, I felt special even on my sick day.
I would have tried to throw in a book review here and there, but I didn’t really read any books that gave me that feeling that I needed to share. It never fails I get a bunch of books that I don’t find interesting enough to blog about and when I try to leave a review, writers block….I couldn’t even write about it if I had tried. Some of the books I can’t say I remember what they were about. I usually like a lot of books, so when I find one that I can’t remember….well I just can’t write about it. I will say, your probably half asleep anyway reading this boring blog. Enjoy the pictures! Valentines Day Anyone???
I spent some time with my daughter. Those are always fun times! My grandson came and had a camp out with me, and when my daughter and her husband took Aiden to the PBR, I was lucky enough to watch Serenity! My son Jeremy always brings mom home flowers on Mondays….life couldn’t get any sweeter…
My niece also got married and because she knows her aunt has great skills, I was asked to be her photographer. I remember now, why I don’t like wedding photography. To freaking hectic, lol….
Well now that you know that I am not completely missing, that I was actually kidnapped by writers block, my kids and grandkids….hopefully I can get back on here and start blogging again. Did I mention….I now have bangs? What ya think, lol….pic 1 & 2 without bangs….the rest with bangs…I also colored it again!!! Loving it! Well I need to post this. I was trying to get caught up yesterday, but I had yet…another spell. I was eating and blogging, and then yep, I don’t want to get into details. I ended up in an ambulance and was at the hospital for the duration of lunchtime and afternoon. March 22nd I will get my endoscopy so hopefully they find out what is happening and I can live my life again, without fear of being sick.
Have you ever started your blog and become tongue tied? I just couldn’t seem to pick a title, well it can come later. I know what I want to write about, however….I just didn’t know how to begin. I have always been that certain person who believed the best in everyone. It didn’t matter how much money you had or how well you dressed, or what you looked like, but I always found the good in all. So it doesn’t come as a surprise as I type this that I can tell you that I had many friends. Yes, I believe they were all my best friends at one point and even though we haven’t seen each other in years. I still call them my best friends and if needed, I would be there if I could! I know everyone has sorrow and we all grieve differently and as I sit here and type out not just a friend story but more like a love story.
Jan 16, 2012, I received a call that my dearest friend was in a coma! As my brain began to register what I just heard, I can’t recall exactly what caused her to be in a coma, my mind wasn’t working. I know that she collapsed and her heart stopped beating. Paramedics revived her but she just simply couldn’t pull out of it. That moment I realized what I just heard, I felt my heart break. Not in two but in several pieces. It was a pain I had never felt before. I was so angry, I wanted to tear everything in my path, I wanted to smash things in a million pieces and I wanted to hate everyone who was still alive because the best person in the world was gone! Seeing her lie in that hospital bed, the swelling in her hands and face, knowing she wasn’t waking up ever! It was too much for me to bare. Holding her hand, wishing she would squeeze me back, hearing her words as she used to say “Hello Beautiful” and her bluest eyes, as blue as the ocean. She was beautiful, not just inside but outside. No matter how hard I prayed, she wouldn’t open her eyes. She died on Jan 17, 2012 when her family decided that what was best, was the doctors recommendations, no brain activity, plug would be pulled.
She was my everything. For weeks afterward, I swear she was trying to reach me. I would be on my cell talking to someone and I would get that noise you get when you have another caller. When I would look at my screen to switch over to other caller, no one was there. Several weeks later, I didn’t receive anymore. Her smell, I swear at times, I can smell her and even feel her close. 4 years later, I remember her laughter, her voice, everything. The few times I have dreamed of her, feel so real. She was the one of the few who knew the real me. She got who I was. I didn’t have to be afraid to tell her anything, she loved me anyway.
4 years later, I miss her. I don’t cry everyday, but she’s always on my mind. I used to be scared of dying, but knowing she’s there….I’m not scared anymore. I still love her, my life doesn’t feel complete with her gone, but I’m living. She is in heaven with her son, and I know that makes her happy. I will never forget all the times we spent together, jamming to the music loud, laughing and talks.
If I could go back in time, that would be one of those moments, where I would hold her just a little bit longer. I would want her to know, that I will miss her with every tear I shed, with every beat of my heart! Sometimes my mind wanders and I daydream. I can see her dancing in a field of yellow flowers, laughing and smiling! I will love her forever, and forever she will be missed! The one person I wanted to call when I needed a friend, was dancing in heaven.
Earlier today, I had to get motivated and do some cleaning, and if anyone knows me at all, sometimes I get started and find myself beginning to slack off and then nothing gets finished because the lazy bug moves in like a ninja and well…lets just say, nothing gets done the rest of the day. Aside from cleaning the kitchen, I worked on a few photo’s, made a really quick and easy supper, and decided to blog a bit. I realize I haven’t been on in a while. But between working, housework and reading, I don’t find a lot of time. Aside from those things I also try and read a bit of the bible and try to reflect and do some deep thinking.
So here I sit, blogging about my weekend, picking out the pieces from Friday to today. My Friday begins at 5 pm when work is complete. Everyone is usually TGIF and I am over here going TGIF 5pm…..lol. My daughter reports in a text message that she’s on her way with my grandson, who gets to spend the night with his grandma. Remember that wonderful feeling you got, when that day came and you had a sleepover with one of your friends? It’s that same feeling when you realize your grandkid is coming to stay as well. The excitement when 5pm gets here and you race home.
As soon as everyone gets here, you head over to get a quick couple of shots of you and the kids in front of this Christmas tree. The one where we all sit around the tree and make that your Christmas Card, that never makes it in the mail before Christmas, but does pop up on Facebook. When that’s over, you head over to Union Station and Crown Center for a couple of hours of fun.
After about 30 minutes, you find yourself becoming one of the people who develop road rage, except your not in the car on the road. You begin to count to ten, you try to smile and act in a way that makes everyone think your happy and enjoying yourself, but deep down inside you want to scream at the idiocy of some people. They somehow pretend they don’t realize that you are behind them and they just stop! Like no clue as to what they are doing except stop! If anyone knows me, I can go from happy to ticked off in approximately 10 seconds. You know that resting bitch face some people get, yes that’s me!!! At this point, I am close to telling people to move their ass. But I have my grandkid with me so I count to 10 and keep moving. We finally make it to the play area and I am ready to capture a shot of my grandkid having a great time when some child is climbing over the fire truck and proceeds to almost kick my grandson in his head. This girl, much older than Aiden is bouncing like her rear is on fire, climbing all over the fire truck and proceeds to almost kick him in the head with her shoe. I mean seriously, it’s a fire truck not a damn monkey bar. So I grab him and move on to the next fun thing to play on, and I see it’s a tractor. He loves his tractors, however I tell him we must wait for the other child to get off because we must take turns. At this point I know that mother heard me, but they all just stand around while the girl does nothing but sit in the tractor seat. Not to have her picture taken, not to pretend to drive the tractor but just sits there doing absolutely nothing but watching us waiting. I begin to count, I have counted to 10 twice at this point. The mother, has turned and noticed us standing there, I know she knows that we are waiting for her kid to move on to something else but instead, they just do nothing. We are beginning to get hungry so we walk away. You can only wait so long, and after waiting what felt like forever but was only 10 minutes, I finally said to hell with it. I gave the mother a hateful look after counting to 10 a fourth time. We decide that were starving and my grandson say’s “Grandma, McDonalds.” Well I know what that means, lets go!!!
We grab our meal at McDonalds because their McRibs are back and once we get home we realize, they stiffed me on 1 of the sandwiches, of course they did. They want $15 bucks an hour, yet never can get your meal right. They are not the only one’s either. Taco Bell and Sonic do it all the time. Like I can just turn around and go back to get there screw up. Happens every time I go there. We eat and then lay down exhausted to watch a movie. I’m old, I never make it past a half an hour if I lay down. And without realizing it, I fall asleep, forgetting to take my bile binder. The kids and I wake up at 5:30am and that’s when I realize, shit, I forgot my medicine. Aiden is awake for some reason, not wanting to fall back to sleep. Eventually, my grandson, falls back to sleep with my son. Hurray, grandma gets a few more extra hours of some zzz’s.
Later on, we get up and I make breakfast, who doesn’t like bacon? So I scramble some eggs, fry a few slices of bacon and some sausage. This has become a typical Saturday morning breakfast for us. Afterwards, I go down in the basement and start digging out the Christmas decorations. I wasn’t going to put up the tree this year, I don’t know the reason why, I’m not being a scrooge, but the thought of putting a tree up isn’t what I feel like doing. My kids are all teenagers and don’t care if I put a tree up or not, I seem to be the only one who helps put the tree up anymore, I begin to think about that book called Skipping Christmas and I am thinking, that is exactly what I wanted to do this year. Skip Christmas. So I ask my grandson if he wants to put up my tree, and yes was his answer. Feeling guilty, I head to the basement and drag all of it up here. Finished looking nice and in the kitchen.
Later on, when your grandchild heads home, a pile of toys remain, scattered in several rooms of your home with the remembrance of a little boy who played hard. I sit here, picking up his toys and feel the emptiness that hangs in the air, how quiet and still everything is. His giggles are now nothing but a memory! Remember that feeling you got when your friend went home? It felt the same exact way. So he leaves, I clean up the house a bit and do absolutely nothing. And here I sit, blogging with nothing else on my mind. I am simply exhausted and ready to go to bed. Until another day……night!
“What Children need most, are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life and most of all….cookies.”
My daughter holding her daughter, my son with bandana, grandson Aiden with Harley my son to the right!
Well in my case….M&M’s and popcorn. Saturday I wake up and step outside and notice how beautiful the day was going to be, not to mention….my grandkids were coming by to visit. I just knew it was going to be a gorgeous day for a parade and a festival. What a blast we were going to have. Parades and rides and yummies o my! Sitting on my lap Aiden became excited, especially when he seen the motorcycle, at the beginning of the parade and immediately said, “Grandpa!?” Sorry to say it was not grandpa! Dancing to the music as the band plays on by, GO EAGLES, I tell him…he just points and laughs. Eventually, we must pass him back to forth, keeping him entertained as I finally get to hold my princess! My granddaughter is the most beautiful baby in the world. What an angel she is. She looks in awe at all the sounds and lights and laughter. Aiden gets even more excited when he says, “Look Grandma, bus!”….”Grandma’s bus?” I was like yep, I see but not today, not grandma’s bus. Parade is over, and off we go to the carnival.
I’d say he had fun, he had fun waving at us, he had fun waving at strangers, lol, he had a blast. By this time, it started to warm up and it was super crowded but I enjoyed the fun times we had that day.
We ended our day with a trip down to the Fire Station. They had a identify a kid program going on where they swab their mouths and finger print so if they ever become lost, we can identify them as they get older. Of course someone takes my grandkids, and I liable to mess someone up! Go Granny Go!! However, I wanted to take a gander and see if we had any firemen that resembled “Chicago Fire.” Nope….it’s only in the TV shows. However, Aiden had a blast. Had to lift him up to see inside the fire truck and I must admit, I got excited just watching him be all excited.
Cute huh??? Well everything went well till I got home and decided to eat a late lunch. Apparently my IBS/BAM decided to take over my life and had me out-of-order the rest of the evening! Until next time….
We got there just as Ashes to New was playing the last few songs, Deano was disappointed, because he liked this Linkin Park replica. So the men decided to go shopping and meet the band Ashes to New while I rocked the house with many other fans to In This Moment. I must say, she is an interesting kick ass performer, and in my opinion and not my boyfriends, this girl stole the show with the few songs she played.
The men finally come back from their shopping spree and Harley is wearing a Five Finger Death Punch Hoodie…I almost Five Finger Death Punched him in the throat because he had my hoodie that I wanted and I am a hoodie girl and everyone knows this….Joke’s on me, as Harley takes it off and says see what daddy bought you! 🙂 Good cause daddy about died!! JK…Lights are out….it’s dark, be afraid….BOOM Papa Roach said are ya ready??? 1, 2, 3 JUMP!!! At this point, I had to shut video off, because it’s hard to jump and record! As my boyfriend says, “They stole the show” and I said nope, not until he ran through the crowd and was merely 2 feet from us…OMFG
Five Finger was awesome, they didn’t last long enough! I think hour and a half wasn’t long enough! By the time I went to bed it was way after midnight….so started making plans to see my next concert….Pop Evil? or Disturbed?