Dancing in Heaven

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Have you ever started your blog and become tongue tied? I just couldn’t seem to pick a title, well it can come later. I know what I want to write about, however….I just didn’t know how to begin. I have always been that certain person who believed the best in everyone. It didn’t matter how much money you had or how well you dressed, or what you looked like, but I always found the good in all. So it doesn’t come as a surprise as I type this that I can tell you that I had many friends. Yes, I believe they were all my best friends at one point and even though we haven’t seen each other in years. I still call them my best friends and if needed, I would be there if I could! I know everyone has sorrow and we all grieve differently and as I sit here and type out not just a friend story but more like a love story.

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Jan 16, 2012, I received a call that my dearest friend was in a coma! As my brain began to register what I just heard, I can’t recall exactly what caused her to be in a coma, my mind wasn’t working. I know that she collapsed and her heart stopped beating. Paramedics revived her but she just simply couldn’t pull out of it. That moment I realized what I just heard, I felt my heart break. Not in two but in several pieces. It was a pain I had never felt before. I was so angry, I wanted to tear everything in my path, I wanted to smash things in a million pieces and I wanted to hate everyone who was still alive because the best person in the world was gone! Seeing her lie in that hospital bed, the swelling in her hands and face, knowing she wasn’t waking up ever! It was too much for me to bare. Holding her hand, wishing she would squeeze me back, hearing her words as she used to say “Hello Beautiful” and her bluest eyes, as blue as the ocean. She was beautiful, not just inside but outside. No matter how hard I prayed, she wouldn’t open her eyes. She died on Jan 17, 2012 when her family decided that what was best, was the doctors recommendations, no brain activity, plug would be pulled.

She was my everything. For weeks afterward, I swear she was trying to reach me. I would be on my cell talking to someone and I would get that noise you get when you have another caller. When I would look at my screen to switch over to other caller, no one was there. Several weeks later, I didn’t receive anymore. Her smell, I swear at times, I can smell her and even feel her close. 4 years later, I remember her laughter, her voice, everything. The few times I have dreamed of her, feel so real. She was the one of the few who knew the real me. She got who I was. I didn’t have to be afraid to tell her anything, she loved me anyway.

4 years later, I miss her. I don’t cry everyday, but she’s always on my mind. I used to be scared of dying, but knowing she’s there….I’m not scared anymore. I still love her, my life doesn’t feel complete with her gone, but I’m living. She is in heaven with her son, and I know that makes her happy. I will never forget all the times we spent together, jamming to the music loud, laughing and talks.

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If I could go back in time, that would be one of those moments, where I would hold her just a little bit longer. I would want her to know, that I will miss her with every tear I shed, with every beat of my heart! Sometimes my mind wanders and I daydream. I can see her dancing in a field of yellow flowers, laughing and smiling! I will love her forever, and forever she will be missed! The one person I wanted to call when I needed a friend, was dancing in heaven.

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